I always knew I wanted to work in psychology, and that is where I turned my educational focus. During my studies and climb up the corporate ladder that included 70-hour work weeks, I had my first anxiety attack. I would later be diagnosed with a Major Depressive disorder, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, and Bipolar II disorder. I had become a master of "masks" and putting on a brave face so that others wouldn't know the pain and struggles I suffered from. I had done such a great job that I had even fooled myself until the mask shattered, exposing me. I had to come face to face with my trauma, pain, and mental health struggles that I now know had begun decades prior. I found myself in the mental, physical, and spiritual fight for my life, a fight that I hope can help others who may feel alone and have created masks for themselves.
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Mind
I began by working with a fantastic therapist, who always provided a space where I felt safe, understood, and never judged for one of the first times in my life. This led me to a psychiatrist who worked on addressing the chemical imbalances present, which included years of trying different combinations of psychiatric medications. At my worst, I was sleeping an average of 14 hours a WEEK; my panic attacks were happening every couple of hours that would leave me curled into a ball on the bathroom floors some days and turning to food as a coping mechanism. I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. There was only darkness during this time.
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Body
The unhealthy ways I was dealing with life at the time caused me to tip the scale at nearly 400 pounds. But, my unhealthy lifestyle had begun decades before this, and it was worsened with the depression. I also found out through the testing from my psychiatrist that I had no detectable levels of vitamin D in my system, which also contributed to my psychological well-being. I was told to get a psychiatric service dog, which I used as the catalyst to begin moving and getting outdoors more. Once I started to add physical activity to the therapy I was receiving, I began to see a drastic change. When I lost almost 100 pounds in physical weight, I also began to feel lighter mentally and began researching holistic weight loss methods. This led me to safely start to ween myself off of the psychiatric medication and take control of my mental and physical well-being with me at the reigns.
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Spirit
For so long, I felt no connection to anything outside of myself. Once the weight of my physical and mental well-being began to lift, I started to seek further enlightenment. My gifts had been suppressed, and my light was dimmed almost to extinction, but the clouds began to clear. I found myself feeling connected to everything and everyone around me again. I went to a local New-Age store for sage to clear my home of the heaviness I felt and never looked back. Here, I learned that the light was always there within me, that I am light, and that I needed to do the shadow work to feel the warmth again. The universe was leading me down a path that was so much bigger than me, and I had to allow myself the space and grace to fight, heal, and later transform my life.
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The methods I now use in my practice were created based on my personal experiences and the physical and spiritual work I have done over the last couple of years. I still use them in my everyday life, as we should always continue to grow and never stop doing the work on ourselves, for ourselves. Let's embark on this journey together.
